Jokes

LOL @ Wolf!  You're on a roll Wolf! LOL!

BEING BRITISH.....

Being British is about driving  in a German car to an Irish Pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home,  grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish  furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British  thing of all? - Suspicion of all things foreign!
  

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick  people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions  while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  
Only in Britain do people order double  cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.  
  
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors  open and chain the pens to the counters.  
  
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth  thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in  the garage.
  
Only in Britain do we use answering machines  to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from  someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
  
Only in Britain are there disabled parking  places in front of a skating rink.

You know what they call innercourse in space?....Why outter-course naturally!

Know how to make an "horemone"?...don't pay her!

Confusious say: "Man whom spring on innnerspring, this spring..have off spring next spring!"

Lynn... yours is the truth and then some, I guess that's what makes it funny...I keep saying over here there's this general panic that the economy is going to fail. why not, people don't have enough money to spend..so they lay them off their jobs because the retail stores aren't selling enough products, so now the people really don't have enough money for purchasing power and to boot, they go back an raise prices again to make up for what they couldn't sell to begin with...makes it even father out of reach to the people. Finally no one's buying, from this stategy...and they file bankruptcy claiming an bad economy. All they had to do was lower the prices a bit. We use to have competive pricing and price wars but they have created such monopolies in the industry that all prices are fixed any more. Just like our incomes. We have less on the dollar from expenses they use to pay that they won't give out any more in benefits. Average wage now..around $10 an hour, hopefully you will get an full 40 hour workign week, and benefits acrrue accordign to hours worked.. Most of us have no deantal, and lousy medical for the most part. What my dad had in the 1950's as an mid-high income worker...all paid dental and medical and pension plan...pharamcy coverage. 3 weeks vacation pay every year with 10 weeks after 10 years and 13 weeks pay to go with it, unheard of these days. So are pension plans also. One sick day an month that could be accumulative, scratch that one for most people also.  On top of that the influx of illegal immigrants, living basically off our Govt for free sending home their money  they are to suppose to triple their population here shortly,. and you can see why the  Americna "root" families here are "out-raged" at it all. Who pays taxes, the corprations for the most part find tax shelters to hide behind, the low income are lving off borrowed money from the Govt. and the only one really paying taxes is the mid-income group. I guess I should not tell this truth, it's not funny, and I hear that most Brit's are paying $9.50 an gallon for gasoline/petroleum. We are about at an stand still at $4 an gallon here amoung the people whom don't have an employer that will give it to them as an worker tax "write off". You know I have been through years of business adminstration/corporate classes and when I point this out to others they like look at me like I'm coming from never-never land. All they want to hear is "profit" even if in the long run it's "slicing their throats" in the path they are going for this country. I guess we need to go out the door laughing, no one wants to confront the truth over here and "wake up" as they say....esp our so called leadership.