Bob Hope gems

Thanks for the memories...
 
 
 
 
ON TURNING 70
"You still chase women, but only downhill."
 
ON TURNING 80
"That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
 
ON TURNING 90
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
 
ON TURNING 100
"I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then, it's time for my nap."
 

ON GOLF

"Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."
 
ON PRESIDENTS

"I have performed for twelve Presidents and entertained only six."
 
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER

"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations! You have an eight-pound ham.'"
 
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY

"Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
 
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS

"That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."
 
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

"I wouldn't have had anything to eat if it hadn't been for the stuff the audience threw at me."
 
ON GOING TO HEAVEN
"I've done charity shows for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."