Jokes

Good one, Peter.

 Remember this one?  This is even old now LOL.  I'm cutting and pasting, so if it doesn't come out right on the post, blame the glue.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.
 
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.
 
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.
 
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

A bloke lost a finger at work in a horrendous accident when he got his arm lodged in an extremely sharp/serrated cutting machine, blood was everywhere, tendons and bone scattered the floor. After the forman had finished his tea break he thought he ought to ring the workers wife and let her know the situation.

 “I’m ringing to let you know your husbands been in a really terrible accident, he may well have to lose a finger after getting it mangled in the terribly sharp/jagged cutting machine”. “Oh my God” cried the distraught lady, “Is it the whole finger”? “No, it looks to me like it may be the one next to it” . Oh how she laughed on hearing this quick off the cuff reply.

 He made a full recovery

A driving application

Redneck Driver's Application Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.  Last name: ________________  First name: [_] Billy-Bob   [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe   [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray   [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue   [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae   [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack  [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue  Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer        [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser  [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed   [_] Dirty Politician  Spouse's Name:     __________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________ Lover's Name:      __________________________ 2nd Lover's Name:  __________________________  Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister   [_] Aunt [_] Brother  [_] Uncle [_] Mother   [_] Son [_] Father   [_] Daughter [_] Cousin   [_] Pet  Number of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed:      ___ Number of children that are yours:      ___  Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________  

Awww Heck, I trieded to cut an paste but it didna work. Shoot! Isa try somethin' else.