Jokes

LOL, Jo!  What a way to ruin Wales!!

Lyn, I like your new avatar.  You look so much like a friend of mine, who just happened to send me this little gem.............

I hope it isn't too "naughty" for POE

The Fisherman and the Genie

A hard working, taxpaying, fisherman was on vacation but had just spent the last few days lost in the wilderness of Northern Ontario. His canoe had been totally shattered in rapids, and he lost all his gear, was wet, old, and hungry. He's crawling through the underbrush swatting black flies and mosquitoes, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object leaning up against a tree several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object and discovers what looks to be a very expensive briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a black head scarf, an Ontario Government ID badge and speaks with a distinctive accent. There's a Black Berry in her pocketbook.  She has a pencil-type iPod tucked behind one ear.

'Well, fisherperson,' says the genie. 'You know how this works...You have three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this.' said the fisherman... 'I'm not going to trust a government genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'
The fisherman thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
'OK, I wish I were in a comfortable Resort with plenty of food and drink.'

               ***POOF***

The fisherman finds himself in the most beautiful Resort he has ever seen, and he finds himself in it's Bar with a pool table and a swimming pool. There is a delicious buffet table with lots of food, beer, wine and spirits. The place is full of government officials.

'OK, fisherperson, what's your second wish.'
'My second wish is that I be rich beyond my wildest dreams.

                       ***POOF***

The fisherman finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins, precious diamonds and 1000's of crisps new $100 bills.
'OK, lost outdoor's person, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good One!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the fisherman says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

                        ***POOF***

 He was turned into a tampon.

 THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

 If the Government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached........

Well, if Karen can get away with that one, here's one that's slightly less n*****y!  lol

Here is the substitute for the flu shot.

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?   I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"