Jokes

There's just something about a man in pink...

Sorry no way - not for me.  No offence to all you blokes, but it doesn't just look right somehow.

Ruth, if I see a man in pink coming after me I am running in the other direction! LOL!   I concur with Karen on this one. LOL!

Hi Diana & Lyn:  Yes, it does. I think it's Denzil's fault.  But this one's jokes, so here's one I recently got on email that I thought was kinda cute:

DOG DIARY:

8:00 am   Dog food..... ! My Favorite Thing!
9:30 am   A car ride..... ! My Favorite Thing!
9:40 am   A walk in the park..... ! My Favorite Thing!
10:30 am  Got rubbed and petted..... ! My Favorite Thing!
12:00 pm  Lunch..... ! My Favorite Thing!
1:00 pm  Played in the yard..... ! My Favorite Thing!
3:00 pm  Wagged my tail..... ! My Favorite Thing!
5:00 pm  Milk bones..... ! My Favorite Thing!..... !
7:00 pm  Got to play ball..... ! My Favorite Thing!
8:00 pm  Wow! Watched TV with the people..... ! My Favorite Thing!
11:00pm   Sleeping on the bed..... ! My Favorite Thing!


                 CAT DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry cereal. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped it would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a " good little hunter" I am. B******S!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to
the power of 'allergies'. I must learn what this means, and how to use it
to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow ~ but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The
dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released~ and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
Guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe. For now.......................

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?  The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ...  Look, He's Moving!