THE RETURN OF ALBERT
You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
in the Zoo up at Blackpool one year
With a stick with an 'orses 'ead 'andle
Gave a lion a poke in the ear.
The name of the lion was Wallace,
the poke in 'is ear made 'im wild
before you could say 'Bobs your uncle',
'ed up and 'ed eaton the child.
'E were sorry the moment 'ed done it,
wit' children 'eed always been chums,
besides 'ed no teeth in 'is noddle
'e couldnt chew Albert wi't gums.
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'E could feel lad movin inside 'im,
as 'e lay on 'is bed of dried ferns,
and it might 'ave been little lads birthday,
'E wish 'im 'many happy returns'.
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But Albert kept kickin' and fighting,
'til wallace arose feeling bad
e' felt it was time that 'e started
to stage a come-back for't lad.
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so with 'is 'ead down in a corner
on 'is front paws 'e started to walk,
'e coughed an 'e sneezed an 'e gargled
Till Albert shot out like a cork.
Old wallace felt better directly
'is figure once more became lean
the only difference with Albert
'is 'ands and 'is face now were clean
Meanwhile Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
'ad gone 'ome for tea feeling blue
Ma says 'I feel down in the mouth like'
Pa said 'Aye, bet Albert does too'.
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Said Ma 'It just goes to show you
that the future is never revealed,
if i'd thought we were going to loose 'im
I wouldnt 'ave 'ad 'is boots soled and 'eeled.
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Lets look on 't bright side', said father
'What cant be 'elped must be endured,
every cloud 'as a silver lining,
we did 'ave young Albert insured.
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A knock on the door came that moment,
as father these kind words did speak
't was the man from 't Prudential,
'Ed called for their tuppence, per person, per week.
when Father saw who'ed been knocking,
'E laughed and 'e kept laughing so,
The young man said 'whats there to laugh at?
Pa said, 'you'll laugh an 'all when you know'
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Excuse 'im for laughing, said Mother
'but really things 'appen so strange'
our Alberts been ate by a lion,
'You've got to pay us for a change'.
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Said the young feller from the Prudential
' now come, come, lets understand this,
'you dont mean to say that youve lost' im?
Oh no! we know were 'e is.
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When the young man 'ad 'eard all the details
A bag from 'is pocket he drew
'e paid them with interest and bonus
The sum of nine pounds, four, and two.
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Pa 'ad scarce got 'is 'and on the money,
when a face through the window did see
mother said 'e look, its Albert'
and Father said 'Aye, it would be'
Young Albert came in all exited
and started 'is storey to give
Pa said 'i'll never trust Lions again
not as long as I flippin live
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The young feller from the Prudential
To pick up the money began,
Father said 'Eeh!, just a moment
Dont be in a 'urry, young man'
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'E gave young Albert a Shilling,
and said' pop off quick, back t' Zoo
'Ers your stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle
Go an see what the TIGERS can do!
In
